


(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

by bluhawk



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Peter Parker, Crack, Gen, Implied Relationships, Kinda, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Frustration, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, help this poor man, no satisfaction only tics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23502754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluhawk/pseuds/bluhawk
Summary: This was a dare from my roommate, who wanted a crackfic of Solo Spidey.Peter tries to blow off some steam. It doesn't exactly go as planned.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson, implied
Kudos: 8





	(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

Peter sighed in frustration as he rolled around on his bed. It was five in the morning and he hadn’t gotten an eyeful of sleep. Granted, yes, he had stayed on his daily lookout for longer than intended, but he had counted some sleep time into the equation. He really had.

  
Tomorrow was his official 22nd birthday, and he knew Aunt May was planning all kinds of stuff for him. She hadn’t implied anything, but Peter could read her like a book at this point. Her giddiness was indication enough, and he didn’t want to let her down by just being tired. So, he needed. to. sleep.

  
Rolling onto his side, he let out a muffled groan. Maybe his body was just too agitated from all the crime-fighting. Unconsciously, he slid his hand underneath the covers, softly palming his crotch. ‘This is a dangerous game’, he thought to himself. He could get caught any second. But as the sunlight began beaming through the window, he knew he didn’t have any other options. Either he jerked off and finally got some rest - or stayed awake and faced the consequences. He hesitated but a moment before pushing his hand inside his boxers.

  
As his fingers wrapped around his cock, he closed his eyes to fall deep into his imagination. He imagined MJ, in a beautiful red top covered with laces, and began stroking himself in slow, long movements. She whispered things, dirty things, as she caressed her body for Peter to see, making him bite back a moan. His pace quickened, and a few beads of sweat fell down his temples. As he nearly gasped out his girlfriend’s name, he felt himself become enveloped in his fantasy, nearing his climax. And then…

  
He imagined Ned, in those same seductive undergarments. His entire body stilled, only his eyes opening in pure and utter shock. ‘What the actual fuck’, he thought to himself, trying his best to process the strange mental image. And then suppress it immediately. He could not have any sexual thoughts about his best friend, oh hell no. It felt too embarrassing. Way too awkward.

  
After a minute or two of distracting himself, he moved his hand again over his still-hard dick, trying to get back to his fantasy with MJ. This time, she had a black corset on, holding a riding crop in her hand. She strutted on high heels; her lower body covered only by a short, tight skirt. Peter moaned in delight. In his imagination, she traced the crop over and around his face. His hand moved faster. She leaned in closer, whispering into his ear:

  
“I’m sleeping with your aunt, Pete.”  
Peter almost screamed, his eyes slamming open. The beautiful, vivid image of MJ had twisted into Happy in a matter of seconds, and Peter definitely did not need the image of him in a corset burning through his retinas. He groaned in pure agony. He was still hard, it was almost 6 AM, and he still wasn’t sleeping. He muttered curses under his breath, fixing his attention back to his girlfriend. And only her. MJ in gorgeous lingerie, or wearing nothing at all, touching herself or touching him. He tried to keep his focus fixed on her. And it worked: he thrusted into his hand with fervor, rubbing his chest with his free hand. It felt right, at last. Eventually, his movements became more frantic as he got closer and closer to the edge-

  
“Pete? Sweetie? Are you awake?”  
Peter froze, in fear of this being another godawful fantasy. For a brief moment, he waited for something- anything.  
“Peter?” His aunt’s voice was much clearer this time.  
He opened his eyes, once again, to see his room’s door slightly ajar. Thankfully, he was covered by the blanket, and May only appeared to have peaked inside. Trying to keep his voice from shaking, he responded:  
“Hey, Aunt May, I was just, uh. Stretching?”  
She chuckled. “Alright. I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. I’ll leave you to your stretching and go make us some breakfast.”  
She turned away from the door, saying something about “the long day ahead of them”, but Peter couldn’t hear it over the sound of his own heartbeat. Once the coast was clear, he sighed in defeat, shoving his face onto his pillow.

  
He really needed a fleshlight or something.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry you had to read through this. Have a great day, though!


End file.
